This past weekend I really upset a friend. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt someone. But, I make mistakes. I’m human after all. Nothing makes me any more or less perfect than you.

It wasn’t necessarily something I did; it was what I didn’t do. I invited this friend to a birthday party, and ended up unintentionally ignoring him most of the night. Instead of making him feel included and welcomed, I just sort of left him alone—to fend for himself. I can be so selfish sometimes.

I wanted to be the life of the party. I wanted to be with everyone. I wanted to do everything. I was only concerned with me. Me, myself, and I! If only I could blame the soju. Unfortunately, the problem runs deeper than intoxication. It’s something inside all of us. Self-centeredness.

I didn't realize what I had done until it was too late. My friend departed, leaving me with six missed calls, and several distraught text messages.

What really impressed me about the situation was how well he was able to communicate his disappointment. Expressing feelings in a second language isn’t easy.

Bad manners.


Disappointed in you.

I never thought someone I care about so much would ever use those words to describe me.

I thanked him for being honest, and apologized profusely the next day. But, actions speak louder than words, and mine spoke loud and clear the night before. I don’t think ‘sorry’ will ever be good enough.

All I can do is hope healing comes through learning and forgiveness. I’ve learned a valuable lesson, and am so thankful something in need of changing was brought to my attention. I’m just sad it came at the cost of hurting another human being—a friend.

Whether he forgives me or not is his choice. I’ve done all I can, and will hopefully walk away from this experience a better person.


  1. Chase, it's jean! Hi! You've been on my mind lately so i decided it was time to stalk you. I didn't think you would mind. ^-^ And I'm glad i did so i could come across this entry you recently wrote. How is it with the friend now? I hope it is becoming brighter and lighter. heart sinks reading those sharp words your friend described you with. Those were not easy words to be receptive of. Rejection is one thing i fear the most...and one of the worst and most powerful weapons humans can use against another. I must leave you a comment (seeing that no one else has) and tell you that you handled your friend's confrontation in the best way you could. In fact, it was refreshing to read how you responded to your friend in softness rather than callousness of heart. You could have chosen the easier route--not claiming any responsibility to have wronged him. But you chose the more difficult route--making the most of the pain. Yay you! Most importantly, it is the best way you can honor your friend, whether or not he can accept and forgive you.

    I am also interested to discuss further on what it means "to be human." (I can't help the theologian in me from coming out!) The phrase has become synonymous with "to be imperfect" when that was not what it originally meant to be. In Gen. 1, "to be human" meant to take the most privileged status any earthly creation could ever hold and this was not self-appointed but God-bestowed. The basis? God stamped His divine image upon us, something shared by no other creation (v. 26). That said, i think the derogatory sense of the phrase does convey some truth, but not the whole truth. Since Gen. 3, it is true that all humans who came after Adam share one similar trait: imperfection. Hence, it makes sense how the phrase, originally intended to be honorable, now carries a sobering effect on the reality of our present state, namely that none of us are exempt of imperfection. Save for one human person...I don't think i ponder enough what a scandal it was that the Son of God, equally divine as the Father, took on human form, if "human" has become virtually synonymous as "imperfect." In fact, there's a verse the directly points out the scandal--2 Cor. 5:21. As a Christian, i believe that part of Jesus' mission is to restore the meaning of the phrase "to be human" from "to be imperfect" back to "to bear God's image honorably." Indeed, His very person embodied this mission; He was the first human since Adam to be exempt of imperfection, successfully radiating the "exact imprint of [God's] nature" (Heb 1:3).

    You and me, imperfect though we be, still have some trace of the imago Dei within us. And i believe that by humbly seeking forgiveness from your friend in spite of his sharp words, by valuing him and his friendship, you were in fact radiating the image of God within you to him. :) And to others on your blog.

    Happy Easter, my friend! I didn't start out writing this post with the intention to make it serve an Easter occasion but it seems to work well that way with the timing! I hope this lifts your spirit and breathes healing upon you.

    I value you and your friendship, Chase! You've blessed me; it's time I bless you in return.

    Menyayangi kehidupan (loving life), :)


    1. Jean, your comment (which turned into an awesome sermon) just melted my heart. Thank you so much for what you shared. I needed to hear everything you said around the time I first read it, and again as I finally take time to respond. I hope you know how much you've blessed my life, and continue to bless my life. Thank you. I do believe all we can do is try our best to remain humble, to forgive, and to seek forgiveness in all our wrongdoings and imperfect moments. :) I really, really hope our paths cross again in life!


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