SOMETHING REAL

I’m in need of something real, but I don’t really know how to explain what that ‘something real’ is. What I do know is I’m constantly surrounded by interactions that hardly scratch the surface. And I’m kind of burned out.

I crave deepness in everything and all I do. I want to deeply know and experience, and I want to be deeply known and experienced.

I think this is what happens after you’ve spent nearly a year in a country where you can’t really communicate with the majority of people. I absolutely adore Koreans, but it’s so difficult to go beyond the language and cultural barrier.

I’m grateful for friends I’ve made while here, and have learned to truly appreciate commonality. Layers are already stripped away when you meet someone from a similar background, someone with the same sort of understanding, especially when you're both removed from familiarity. These friends have kept me sane, and have been fantastic dance buddies throughout.

But, I need deeper.

In an ongoing effort to invest more fully in relationships that matter, I’m attempting to avoid activities in large groups. When it’s unavoidable, I pursue one or two people to focus on, and dig a little deeper with.

When it comes to “love” interests, profoundly connecting with another person takes time. It takes commitment. And oftentimes that other person just doesn’t want to commit. They’re either afraid of commitment, or they simply don’t have the time, desire or interest.

It takes two to tango, and life’s meant to be danced through. Look around the club. Plenty of others are there, ready and willing to get “down and dirty” on the dance floor with you. 

Sure we’ve all bumped into a few “creepers” and “lameos” while looking. That’s to be expected when you’re seeking something real. Just don't let yourself skip a beat because of them. Settling for something or someone that doesn't make you feel alive, and/or challenge you to be the best you can be is a waste of life. Period.

It’s not easy to put this into words. It’s not easy to explain. What I do know is looking for ‘something real’ gets harder, and a bit more discouraging the more I seek.

Of course I’ll never stop dancing, even if it means having naked solo dance parties in my room forever. I simply want to be surrounded by quality people to dance with, to be myself with. And eventually I’d like to find a dance partner.

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